…At least, non-existent on the internet or in any accessible way outside of my own hopes and dreams.
Yesterday, in the middle of my bi-weekly mental tug-of-war game with the “Compounding Frustration Due to Current Situation” team on one side and the “But You Have the Potential to Conquer the World” team on the other side and someone is winning but it ain’t me. And then it happened. Chris Do. That’s it, that’s today’s post.
Seriously though, I ended up on an episode of The Futur (a YouTube channel right up there with therapy), where Chris Do parlays with renowned, decorated author and self-proclaimed teacher, Seth Godin. If you don’t know who either of these men are, google them after you read this you might thank me…or not (I don’t know these people). Their conversation bounces from one thing to another but the main theme is that Seth, a marketing alien super-teacher, is all about disruption. He doesn’t subscribe to conformity and the capitalist framework that feeds on that ideology. He talks about “the status quo” with tasteful disdain and makes other valid jabs at the “norm” that I will cover in future posts.
However, what I’m here to talk about today is his view on fear and failure and how these views helped me transform my own mental tug-of-war into an unchoreographed yet productive dance. And now that you’re caught up, how am I celebrating an anniversary of something that never really happened? I was recently going through my old vision board from 2020 and among many creative goals, there was one I was still attached to nearly four years later—blogging. For years, starting a blog has been near the top of my to-do list, I watched the tutorials, “How to start a blog in (insert year)”, I narrowed down the niche (which changed multiple times), I thought and thought about the content I’d write and how the website would look. Needless to say, before this very post, I could likely guide someone on how to set up their own blog.
” Simply put, I was afraid of failure. And not just any fear, a very crippling fear that induced near-daily panic attacks, deep insecurity, imposter syndrome...I was afraid of failing nearly every big idea I had because I knew how groundbreaking it could be but I didn’t believe that I could be the one to do it.”
-Emily H.
So what happened all these years as I collected information like coins? Simply put, I was afraid of failure. And not just any fear, a very crippling fear that induced near-daily panic attacks, deep insecurity, imposter syndrome, and one of the reasons I took a year off from my master’s degree. I wasn’t just afraid of failing blog-writing, I was afraid of failing nearly every big idea I had because I knew how groundbreaking it could be but I didn’t believe that I could be the one to do it. Fear has robbed me of opportunities, delayed milestones, sickened me, drained me of joy, and many times, stunted the very creativity that fueled the goals I was afraid to begin aiming towards. Instead of trying, failing, learning, succeeding, and continuing that cycle, I didn’t even bother starting. If I wasn’t going to be the best, if there were so many possibilities, why put myself through the discomfort of the unknown?
Realistically, my first few posts would’ve been crap and the web design would’ve been questionable but I’d be at 3 years today. I’d be approximately 2,000 days deep and possibly extremely proud and maybe even a little popular if I gave up on conquering my fear and instead faced it, and asked it to dance. Seth Godin has been writing a blog post a day for decades and is now around 7500 posts deep. When asked how he conquered his fear of doing well and what advice he had for others dealing with fear, he, in his very matter-of-fact yet reassuring tone says, “You don’t conquer your fear you just learn to dance with it”. I know what you’re thinking, “What a bag of BS,” rightfully so, but give it a minute.
He explains that you spend so much time trying to conquer your fear that you give it so much attention, drawing attention away from actually doing the thing you’re so afraid of doing. Makes sense now, doesn’t it? And Godin didn’t break ground by saying this, this has been believed by many scientists, psychologists, and metaphysical gurus themselves; and now by me. It’s not hyperbole when I say that right after hearing that, I started typing this, my tears trying to defy the gravity of finally letting go. I’ll never get over my fear and that’s a fact. Here I am wondering how many people would read this, whether it’s too long or if my grammar is bad and the list goes on. Three years later, I’m deciding to celebrate what could’ve been, so I can move on with what is and what will be.
Despite the electric shock in my stomach and the multiple pauses sponsored by my ADHD, I must keep going because this is my passion, my dream. I’m scared as hell, and odds are, so are you. And I’m sorry to say but as a professional knowledge collector, no amount of watching the videos, collecting the books, buying the supplies, listening to the podcasts, and visualizing it into existence is going to prepare you more than your own decision to GO. I have drawing sets collected dust, paints drying up, I’ve visited BlueHost countless times with nothing to show for it, and every day I download a new book. I’ve been doing this for years but what use is a shiny new set of tires when the car can’t even start? I’m no motivational speaker or industry professional and I’m just about as lost as anyone reading this and accepting that I have that company has been life-changing. I’m a girl with a passion for talking a lot, making noise, and helping others improve their reality (or need a virtual shoulder to cry on). Failure is the first step to becoming better, so fail and fail again because failing IS winning. I mean, at some point you’re going to get tired of failing and hopefully start winning right? I don’t exactly know what you were expecting when you searched “how to get over my crippling fear of failure” but this is exactly where you needed to be. Time to stop whining and start winning so I want you to look that thing you’re so good at but have been putting off in the eye and say “No more, let’s do this sh*t anyway. Let’s dance.”